SELF-ASSESSMENT IS PEACE: The
Celebration of Fathers and Mothers’ Days; Is There Any Issue of Discrimination?
Happy
Fathers’ Day, 2023
By Benjamin Pulle Niriwa,
18.06.2017; Updated on 18.06.2023
God
said, “Let us make MAN in our image, after our likeness: …” (Genesis.,
1:26. 1611. KJV).
And the Lord God said, “It is NOT GOOD THAT MAN SHOULD BE ALONE; I will make
HIM a helper”. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he
slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought
her unto the man (Genesis, 2:18, 21-25. 1611. KJV). All these show that
man has been divinely given authority over woman!
This
is even made clearer in the verse 23 where man was the one who named the companion that God has
created for him. Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my
flesh: She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man”.
In
the olden days broken homes were not common like these days. Most of their
marriages was mostly based on LOVE and were always guided by the undeniable
principles that man is the head of the family. Women in the past were mostly
very respectful and submissive to their husbands, though some men badly
maltreat their wives.
In
these modern days, however, the issue of submissiveness and respect must be
applicable to both sexes. In our families submissiveness or respect is very
important. It is only a loving heart that can submit or respect! It is very
difficult for a heart that hates to submit or be respectful. If I submit myself
to you with respect and you decided to treat me like an animal, there can never
be Peace! Unfortunately, though man is supposed to be the head of the family,
men who by reasons best known to them are “irresponsible” are treated like
slaves by their own wives. They are beaten and even assassinated by their own wives
they love and married.
For
nine (9) years Paul, a 47-year-old IT teacher, was scratched, punched and
slapped by his 43-year-old wife. A solicitor’s wife Sharon was jailed
for murder after it was realized that she regularly beat and belittled her
husband David who was 51 years, before she stabbed him with a kitchen knife on
August, 2016. The number of women convicted of violence against their partners
has risen six-fold over the past decade (BBC., 2017). The beating of husbands
by their wives is more amongst middle-class wives (Bunmi, 2017; Odinaka., 2017). Some national women have
also been rated by the United Nations (UN) as leading in “beating their husbands” (ND., 2016).
This
beating and crime against partners is not one sided. It is even worst amongst
most men! Some men too, in this modern and democratic world, still beat their
wives and treat them like slaves resulting in the same assassination: women that they love
and got married to! Treatments like these do not create peace in the family.
“In 70-80% of the homicides that occurred during incidents of domestic
violence, no matter which partners was killed, the man physically abused the
woman before the murder” (Charles, 2017). A newly wedded woman was beaten up by
her ‘loving husband’ on the third night of their honeymoon (The Irish Times,
February 2017).
I
strongly promote equalities in life, especially gender equality. However,
equality MUST NOT violate certain
basic principles that are oils of PECAE in our lives. Without the woman there is
no man: without the man there is no woman. We all need each other to be
stronger and happy in life. Without peace in the family, our environments would
be very violent! People who cause violence are mostly from violent families. “The
Real Root Causes of Violent Crime” is the “Breakdown of Marriage, Family, and Community”
(Fagan, 1995).
The
celebration of Mothers and Fathers’ Days are not meant to show which of the
sexes is superior to the other. They are meant to help us appreciate each other
in our relationships! As I said on my Facebook’s wall, group and page on 19th
June 2016, an ovum alone does not form a human being: a sperm alone does not
make a human being. An ovum needs a sperm to be fertilized and form a human
being: a sperm needs to fertilize an ovum to form a human being.
Without
the sperm, there is no human being: without an ovum, there is no human being.
From this, can you say that the sperm is more important than an ovum or an ovum
is more important than the sperm? I have a special message to all Gender
Activists on this Special Day! Gender
discrimination must be avoided if we all want to enjoy PEACE on this earth. Under no circumstance should one gender be
valued over the other. All genders must
be treated with equal respects and dignities.
God
in his own wisdom has created women to be submissive not only to their
husbands, but to all men in general. This is why in the olden days they also
put strategies in place to ensure that women were not maltreated due to their
vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, the over emphasis by Feminine Activists are
undeniably creating another societal problem in our environment that needs to
be addressed. Many marriages do not see the light of the day because of this.
Their intention is not to create this problem; unfortunately, the inevitable
has taken advantage of it!
Why Is Discrimination A Problem?
As
we try to fight for the rights of others, we must also think of the
consequences that might raise their ugly heads if it is overdone, these are
what we are facing now. I am a Human Right Activists who is not against any
gender, but I am against any special treatments given to any gender that have
the likelihood of creating societal problems that can cause unmeritable
sufferings to many on earth.
In
the olden days, even elderly women still give respect to young males. In these
days, even ladies who are younger do not respect men who are even older than
them. Most of them think that the only man who is supposed to be respected and
dignified is a rich man. Where is our world going to, with our claim of
democracy? Domestic violence is rather becoming an increasing crime in our
society. Justice Michael Croucher, in tears said: “Domestic violence still
remains a shameful scourge in the community and quoted the lyrics of Archie
Roach song “Walking into Doors,”. He rained tears of sadness after sentencing a
woman who assassinated her partner (Aap & Levy, 2018). In that same month,
a lawyer from Lagos also stabbed her husband and cut off his penis; she is sent
to prison (Asiamah, 2018; Report, 2018).
In
the olden days a woman cannot even insult a man, let alone, not to even talk of
murdering him! Men are also not left out. If you are a man who does not respect
your woman or take care of your family, then you don’t deserve to be
celebrated. There are men who only talk nicely with love and respect to their
wives only when they want to make love to them. Is that one too a man?
Some
irresponsible men too have gone to extent of killing the women that they claim
they love; they have gotten married to them and have dowry them. A Zambian’s
soldier has killed his wife when he found out that two of his children are
fathered by his boss (ghanaguardian.com., 22nd May 2018, 5:10AM).
All over the world, domestic violence is becoming a very big problem! In Ghana
here, a 52-year-old man has been apprehended by the Achimota police for
allegedly butchering his wife for not preparing fufu (a local sweet Ghanaian’s
food) and light soup for supper. The man and his family live at Parakou Estate,
Dome and the ugly incidence happened on 9th March 2018 (March 27,
2018; 11:44AM). If you are no more interested in the person, why not break up
in peace and go your way?
Upon
all the traumas that men go through to win the loves of their lives, these
shameless behaviors can ruin all those efforts. Some ladies even go to extent
of pouring dirty water (some even use water that they have washed their pants
in) on their future husbands merely because they have proposed to them. Some
men are given painful talk-truth slaps, yet they persist to win the loves of
those same ladies who maltreated them. The pains do not end there after they
have finally won the loves of their dream wives.
Some
of these pains (traumas) may be psychological! As seen in the picture below,
how will you feel if you have put on your best clothing to impress your in-laws
only to find out that, the color of their curtains and furniture are of the
same color as your clothing? As we celebrate this SPECIAL DAY, let us remember
to give equal respect and dignity to all sexes. The man needs a woman: the
woman needs a man! What can bind them together is fear of God, sexual
satisfaction, mutual respect, recognizing each other as dignified, love,
understanding, and hard work.
Calendar
Man on Accra FM (Radio 100.5MHz) on 04.08.18 from 2:30-3:00PM said that in an
investigation that he has done, he had some men telling him about the pains
that they go through in their relationships. A man told him that his wife only
allows him to make love to her only when he has money. To have sex with her
then there must be money on the table. Once there is no money: no sexual
intercourse too!
After
hearing this I immediately blamed the lady for treating a man that she loves
and marries with such pains, but after a careful thought I blamed both of them.
One may ask, so, why do you blame both but not the woman alone or the man? I
later blamed both of them because, women in general behave based on how we
brack about our non-existence wealth with the aim of winning their loves. As
Mr. AseiduNketiah said during the Election Petition at the Supreme Court, 2013;
“You and I” were not there. So, we cannot tell what the gentleman told her
during proposal or how he was treating her initially before marriage.
She
might be behaving based on what she was initially told or how she was treated
at the beginning of the relationship. If you create a false impression at the
beginning of every relationship, it will always bounce back at you after the
marriage. It is better to spend years being real and get married to a person
who understands you and accepts you as you are, than to fake your life to be
accepted by a partner based on fake impression.
With
fake impression in every relationship, the relationship has already broken even
before the wedding and the actual marriage at home. Wedding is just a
formality: marriage itself is the ability of the partners to be able to stay
together Happily or Healthily, Accepting or Understanding each other,
Appreciating or Valuing each other, and Tolerating or Forgiving each other for
a Peaceful co-existence.
The
behavior of the lady, however, has given us a clue that probably; the gentleman
has faked his life to win her love. If you started the relationship initially
and created a false impression of a rich man, trying to spoil her with money
though you have none, probably, you were borrowing just to fake your life;
these challenges are bound to happen. We have watched romantic movies where we
have seen “some men” using money to seduce “some women” and make love to them.
It is likely that he is the type who at the beginning of the relationship was
always using money to deceive her to allow him make love to her. So, she has
become used to it that, seeing money has become something that turns her on (a
signal that you want to make love to her).
I
still blame the lady too, because most poor gentlemen being aware of the way
most ladies discriminate against poor men, fake their lives in order to have
what they want. If he comes as a poor guy, you will definitely discriminate
against him, asking him whether “You are his class?” and he will lose you. Some
ladies even go to the extent of slapping the guy for proposing to them whilst
he is not their “class” (Gabs.,
2022; Abiola, 2018; Benedict, 2018).
On
8th July 2018, a video revealed how a Nigerian lady slapped her
boyfriend for attempting to make a love proposal to her in a shopping mall (Abiola,
2018; Benedict, 2018). She did that be he allegedly called her
“his cook and housewife” (Abiola, 2018; Benedict, 2018). On 20th
December 2015 indiatimes.com exposed a video in which a lady slaps a gentleman
for proposing to her.
I
wish all men a Happy Fathers’ Day. Thank you for Reading!
Figure 1: Flee Gender Discrimination for Peace, Health, and Entrepreneurship
Suggestions
or Recommendations
- Couples can make use of Fathers and
Mothers’ Days as opportunities to remember what brought them together as
husbands and wives.
-
During celebrations of these important
days, people must avoid making unnecessary comments that make it looks as if a
particular gender is superior to the other.
-
Partners who have
difficulties satisfying each other in bed can make use of these days to
reconcile any misunderstandings in their lives. As they try to console each
other they would have body contacts, leading to sexual intercourse and this is likely
to be very satisfying.
Thank you for READING!
Some References
Aap & Levy, G. (2018). A Judge Bursts Into Tears and
Quotes A Song About Domestic Violence Before Sentencing A Mother-Of-Two Who
Killed Her Abusive Boyfriend To Five Years Behind Bars. News, Article, Retrieved from;
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5718501/amp/Victorian-mother-pleads-guilty-manslaughter-spend-five-years-prison.html
on 11.05.2018 at 3:58 PM, visited for update on 18.06.2023 at 1:42 AM.
Abiola, O. (2018). Lady Slaps Boyfriend Who Tried Proposing
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