SELF-ASSESSMENT IS PEACE: The Celebration of Fathers and Mothers’ Days; Is There Any Issue of Discrimination?
Happy Fathers’ Day, 2023
By Benjamin Pulle Niriwa, 18.06.2017; Updated on 18.06.2023
God said, “Let us make MAN in our image, after our likeness: …” (Genesis., 1:26. 1611. KJV). And the Lord God said, “It is NOT GOOD THAT MAN SHOULD BE ALONE; I will make HIM a helper”. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man (Genesis, 2:18, 21-25. 1611. KJV). All these show that man has been divinely given authority over woman!
This is even made clearer in the verse 23 where man was the one who named the companion that God has created for him. Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of Man”.
In the olden days broken homes were not common like these days. Most of their marriages was mostly based on LOVE and were always guided by the undeniable principles that man is the head of the family. Women in the past were mostly very respectful and submissive to their husbands, though some men badly maltreat their wives.
In these modern days, however, the issue of submissiveness and respect must be applicable to both sexes. In our families submissiveness or respect is very important. It is only a loving heart that can submit or respect! It is very difficult for a heart that hates to submit or be respectful. If I submit myself to you with respect and you decided to treat me like an animal, there can never be Peace! Unfortunately, though man is supposed to be the head of the family, men who by reasons best known to them are “irresponsible” are treated like slaves by their own wives. They are beaten and even assassinated by their own wives they love and married.
For nine (9) years Paul, a 47-year-old IT teacher, was scratched, punched and slapped by his 43-year-old wife. A solicitor’s wife Sharon was jailed for murder after it was realized that she regularly beat and belittled her husband David who was 51 years, before she stabbed him with a kitchen knife on August, 2016. The number of women convicted of violence against their partners has risen six-fold over the past decade (BBC., 2017). The beating of husbands by their wives is more amongst middle-class wives (Bunmi, 2017; Odinaka., 2017). Some national women have also been rated by the United Nations (UN) as leading in “beating their husbands” (ND., 2016).
This beating and crime against partners is not one sided. It is even worst amongst most men! Some men too, in this modern and democratic world, still beat their wives and treat them like slaves resulting in the same assassination: women that they love and got married to! Treatments like these do not create peace in the family. “In 70-80% of the homicides that occurred during incidents of domestic violence, no matter which partners was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder” (Charles, 2017). A newly wedded woman was beaten up by her ‘loving husband’ on the third night of their honeymoon (The Irish Times, February 2017).
I strongly promote equalities in life, especially gender equality. However, equality MUST NOT violate certain basic principles that are oils of PECAE in our lives. Without the woman there is no man: without the man there is no woman. We all need each other to be stronger and happy in life. Without peace in the family, our environments would be very violent! People who cause violence are mostly from violent families. “The Real Root Causes of Violent Crime” is the “Breakdown of Marriage, Family, and Community” (Fagan, 1995).
The celebration of Mothers and Fathers’ Days are not meant to show which of the sexes is superior to the other. They are meant to help us appreciate each other in our relationships! As I said on my Facebook’s wall, group and page on 19th June 2016, an ovum alone does not form a human being: a sperm alone does not make a human being. An ovum needs a sperm to be fertilized and form a human being: a sperm needs to fertilize an ovum to form a human being.
Without the sperm, there is no human being: without an ovum, there is no human being. From this, can you say that the sperm is more important than an ovum or an ovum is more important than the sperm? I have a special message to all Gender Activists on this Special Day! Gender discrimination must be avoided if we all want to enjoy PEACE on this earth. Under no circumstance should one gender be valued over the other. All genders must be treated with equal respects and dignities.
God in his own wisdom has created women to be submissive not only to their husbands, but to all men in general. This is why in the olden days they also put strategies in place to ensure that women were not maltreated due to their vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, the over emphasis by Feminine Activists are undeniably creating another societal problem in our environment that needs to be addressed. Many marriages do not see the light of the day because of this. Their intention is not to create this problem; unfortunately, the inevitable has taken advantage of it!
Why Is Discrimination A Problem?
As we try to fight for the rights of others, we must also think of the consequences that might raise their ugly heads if it is overdone, these are what we are facing now. I am a Human Right Activists who is not against any gender, but I am against any special treatments given to any gender that have the likelihood of creating societal problems that can cause unmeritable sufferings to many on earth.
In the olden days, even elderly women still give respect to young males. In these days, even ladies who are younger do not respect men who are even older than them. Most of them think that the only man who is supposed to be respected and dignified is a rich man. Where is our world going to, with our claim of democracy? Domestic violence is rather becoming an increasing crime in our society. Justice Michael Croucher, in tears said: “Domestic violence still remains a shameful scourge in the community and quoted the lyrics of Archie Roach song “Walking into Doors,”. He rained tears of sadness after sentencing a woman who assassinated her partner (Aap & Levy, 2018). In that same month, a lawyer from Lagos also stabbed her husband and cut off his penis; she is sent to prison (Asiamah, 2018; Report, 2018).
In the olden days a woman cannot even insult a man, let alone, not to even talk of murdering him! Men are also not left out. If you are a man who does not respect your woman or take care of your family, then you don’t deserve to be celebrated. There are men who only talk nicely with love and respect to their wives only when they want to make love to them. Is that one too a man?
Some irresponsible men too have gone to extent of killing the women that they claim they love; they have gotten married to them and have dowry them. A Zambian’s soldier has killed his wife when he found out that two of his children are fathered by his boss (ghanaguardian.com., 22nd May 2018, 5:10AM). All over the world, domestic violence is becoming a very big problem! In Ghana here, a 52-year-old man has been apprehended by the Achimota police for allegedly butchering his wife for not preparing fufu (a local sweet Ghanaian’s food) and light soup for supper. The man and his family live at Parakou Estate, Dome and the ugly incidence happened on 9th March 2018 (March 27, 2018; 11:44AM). If you are no more interested in the person, why not break up in peace and go your way?
Upon all the traumas that men go through to win the loves of their lives, these shameless behaviors can ruin all those efforts. Some ladies even go to extent of pouring dirty water (some even use water that they have washed their pants in) on their future husbands merely because they have proposed to them. Some men are given painful talk-truth slaps, yet they persist to win the loves of those same ladies who maltreated them. The pains do not end there after they have finally won the loves of their dream wives.
Some of these pains (traumas) may be psychological! As seen in the picture below, how will you feel if you have put on your best clothing to impress your in-laws only to find out that, the color of their curtains and furniture are of the same color as your clothing? As we celebrate this SPECIAL DAY, let us remember to give equal respect and dignity to all sexes. The man needs a woman: the woman needs a man! What can bind them together is fear of God, sexual satisfaction, mutual respect, recognizing each other as dignified, love, understanding, and hard work.
Calendar Man on Accra FM (Radio 100.5MHz) on 04.08.18 from 2:30-3:00PM said that in an investigation that he has done, he had some men telling him about the pains that they go through in their relationships. A man told him that his wife only allows him to make love to her only when he has money. To have sex with her then there must be money on the table. Once there is no money: no sexual intercourse too!
After hearing this I immediately blamed the lady for treating a man that she loves and marries with such pains, but after a careful thought I blamed both of them. One may ask, so, why do you blame both but not the woman alone or the man? I later blamed both of them because, women in general behave based on how we brack about our non-existence wealth with the aim of winning their loves. As Mr. AseiduNketiah said during the Election Petition at the Supreme Court, 2013; “You and I” were not there. So, we cannot tell what the gentleman told her during proposal or how he was treating her initially before marriage.
She might be behaving based on what she was initially told or how she was treated at the beginning of the relationship. If you create a false impression at the beginning of every relationship, it will always bounce back at you after the marriage. It is better to spend years being real and get married to a person who understands you and accepts you as you are, than to fake your life to be accepted by a partner based on fake impression.
With fake impression in every relationship, the relationship has already broken even before the wedding and the actual marriage at home. Wedding is just a formality: marriage itself is the ability of the partners to be able to stay together Happily or Healthily, Accepting or Understanding each other, Appreciating or Valuing each other, and Tolerating or Forgiving each other for a Peaceful co-existence.
The behavior of the lady, however, has given us a clue that probably; the gentleman has faked his life to win her love. If you started the relationship initially and created a false impression of a rich man, trying to spoil her with money though you have none, probably, you were borrowing just to fake your life; these challenges are bound to happen. We have watched romantic movies where we have seen “some men” using money to seduce “some women” and make love to them. It is likely that he is the type who at the beginning of the relationship was always using money to deceive her to allow him make love to her. So, she has become used to it that, seeing money has become something that turns her on (a signal that you want to make love to her).
I still blame the lady too, because most poor gentlemen being aware of the way most ladies discriminate against poor men, fake their lives in order to have what they want. If he comes as a poor guy, you will definitely discriminate against him, asking him whether “You are his class?” and he will lose you. Some ladies even go to the extent of slapping the guy for proposing to them whilst he is not their “class” (Gabs., 2022; Abiola, 2018; Benedict, 2018).
On 8th July 2018, a video revealed how a Nigerian lady slapped her boyfriend for attempting to make a love proposal to her in a shopping mall (Abiola, 2018; Benedict, 2018). She did that be he allegedly called her “his cook and housewife” (Abiola, 2018; Benedict, 2018). On 20th December 2015 indiatimes.com exposed a video in which a lady slaps a gentleman for proposing to her.
I wish all men a Happy Fathers’ Day. Thank you for Reading!
Suggestions or Recommendations
- Couples can make use of Fathers and Mothers’ Days as opportunities to remember what brought them together as husbands and wives.
- During celebrations of these important days, people must avoid making unnecessary comments that make it looks as if a particular gender is superior to the other.
- Partners who have difficulties satisfying each other in bed can make use of these days to reconcile any misunderstandings in their lives. As they try to console each other they would have body contacts, leading to sexual intercourse and this is likely to be very satisfying.
Thank you for READING!
Some References
Aap & Levy, G. (2018). A Judge Bursts Into Tears and Quotes A Song About Domestic Violence Before Sentencing A Mother-Of-Two Who Killed Her Abusive Boyfriend To Five Years Behind Bars. News, Article, Retrieved from; https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5718501/amp/Victorian-mother-pleads-guilty-manslaughter-spend-five-years-prison.html on 11.05.2018 at 3:58 PM, visited for update on 18.06.2023 at 1:42 AM.
Abiola, O. (2018). Lady Slaps Boyfriend Who Tried Proposing To Her In A Shopping Mall. Nigeria Entertainment News, Retrieved from; https://www.naijanews.com/2018/07/09/lady-slaps-boyfriend-who-tried-proposing-to-her-in-a-shopping-mall/ on 18.06.2023 at 7:38 AM.
Asiamah, E. (2018). Nigerian Lawyer Kills Her Husband, Cuts Off His Penis. News, Retrieved on 18.06.2023 at 2:21 AM from; https://www.google.com/amp/s/ghanaguardian.com/woman-in-nigeria-kills-husband-cuts-off-his-penis%3famp=1?espv=1.
BBC. (2017). Sharon Edwards: Violent Wife Murdered Lawyer Husband. News, Retrieved from; https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-lancashire-35742799.amp on 18.06.2023 at 8:43 PM.
Benedict, Q. (2018). Lady Slaps Her Boyfriend So Hard For Proposing To Her In Public. Lifestyle, Retrieved on 24.08.2018 at 10:15 PM from; https://www.ghpage.com/lady-slaps-boyfriend-hard-proposing-public/55342/?amp=1. Revisited for updates; 18.06.2023 at 7:18 AM.
Gabs. (2022). A Man Willing To Marry Me Must Be Able To Buy Me Rolls Royce, Those with Toyota Camry Should Stay Away- Pretty Lady Says. Nigeria News, Retrieved on 23.08.2022 at 9:30 AM from; https://www.ghbase.com/a-man-willing-to-marry-me-must-be-able-to-buy-me-rolls-royce-those-with-toyota-camry-should-stay-away-pretty-lady-says.
Genesis. (2:18, 21-25. 1611. KJV). THE FIRST BOOK OF MOSES CALLED, GENESIS. In K. James, The Holy Bible Containing the Old and New Testaments (pp. 6-7). London: Cambridge University Press.
Genesis. (1:26. 1611. KJV). THE FIRST BOOK OF MOSES CALLED, GENESIS. In K. James, The Holy Bible Containing the Old and New Testaments (pp. 5-6). London: Cambridge University Press.
ND., News Desk. (2016). Egyptian Women Number One in Beating Husbands, Shows UN Study. Story, Retrieved from; https://www.google.com/amp/s/tribune.com.pk/story/1158555/egyptian-women-number-one-beating-husbands-shows-un-study%3famp=1 on 18.06.2023 at 9:11 PM.
Odinaka. (2017). Why Middle-class Wives Beat Up Their Husbands - Nigerian Relationship/S*x Expert, Writes. News, Retrieved from; https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.tori.ng/amp/53025/why-middleclass-wives-beat-up-their-husbands-niger.html on 18.06.2023 at 8:56 PM.
Report, A. Agency Report. (2018). Lawyer Allegedly Kills Her Husband, Chops off His Penis. News, Retrieved on 18.06.2023 at 2:13 AM from; https://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/more-news/273795-lawyer-allegedly-kills-her-husband-chops-off-his-penis.html?tztc=1.
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